I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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