Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
