I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
