so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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