he was CRYING into my vagina
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
