I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
