I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize