I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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