Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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