Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
