How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
