need another drink. this is the easiest way
just come out here and I will go home with you...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
