just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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