If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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