I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
