The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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