Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
