Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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