Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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