Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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