All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
