Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
