Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
a search helicopter?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
