Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
