there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
