You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
