Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
