dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
the raccoons are back...
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