I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
