the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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