I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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