i think i have herpe
just one?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
