I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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