Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
