So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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