god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
