A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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