I could have mohawked her pubes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
