i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
