Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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