This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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