i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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