so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
