brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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