Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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