hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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