She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize