Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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