you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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