your room smells of hookers.
And success
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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