I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
