He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
