That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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