She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
