He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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