you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
