im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
