You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
