You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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