And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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