it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
