why didn't you poke me back
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize