Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
