That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
