God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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