she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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