dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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