actually, I'm a sock model
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
