I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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