Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
