Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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