weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
